Sis...

I remember the first time my head exploded. 

A swollen bubbling, boiled between my ears

Reddened face revealing revelation of lost love.

Sitting in Daddy’s oversized metal office chair perched atop the red shortened shag carpet.   

I was kind - you were mean. 
I was ten- You were twelve.

The conversation was lost within my memory but the moment- the scene - was not.

You looked at me with that self serving Mom & Dad love me best smile - the smile you continue to have even today. 

At that moment, within the wooden paneled walls of my youth, you won that round.

Unyeilding cruelty in your youth slowly becoming your signature scent.

I remember the first time my head exploded.

It was the first time I tasted hate - sour spiced metallic teasing my soul. That moment when I  realize it doesn’t matter how hard I try - being loved by you is lost.  I lost my sister that day and even now when my parents die, I will have no family.

Thirty years ago my head exploded.   

Since then I continue to search 

search for a replacement.

replacement family

A family -

 after all

 I need someone to help lego build a block a young girl’s pieces of a long exploded head back together again.